Hearing Loss and Family Dynamics
by Tom Wood

Think about it; communication is critical to defining and cementing family units.  It is how families share ideas, develop common goals, discuss concerns, share dreams and disappointments, have fun, maintain intimacy, support each other and keep relationships strong. 

Only when things go wrong do we consider the vital role of communication in support of the family unit.  Janet Holland, professional audiologist, constantly hears expressions of concern from the whole family when a member suffers hearing loss.

Janet hears families speak of loss of spontaneity in their interactions.  Where a member is experiencing hearing loss, communication needs to be more carefully planned and deliberate. Background noise must be reduced.  That final quip, so funny when added just as you leave the room, can go unheard by the member with a hearing loss, who then wonders why everyone is laughing. 

Ensuring inclusion in family communications, of a member with hearing loss, can be tremendously fatiguing.  Janet can personally attest to the amount of energy required to talk with someone with hearing loss.  All too frequently family members exhaust their precious energy reserves and essential interaction just doesn’t occur. 

Closely coupled to loss of spontaneity comes loss of intimacy.  Details of daily life go unmentioned. The planning and extra work required to ensure understanding becomes just too much.  Sharing a quiet observation with a partner comes less often.  Children and grandchildren often don’t exchange those precious little details of daily life.   So sad is the slipping away of that evening “pillow talk”; the life-long habit of partners in quietly reviewing the events of the day.  Both partners must surely suffer feelings of loss.

Janet likens hearing loss to “being lonely in a crowd”.  Conversations lose spontaneity and any sense of intimacy. Isolation and loneliness follow.  This can be especially cruel when hearing loss develops in long established relationships. Feelings of sadness often lead to anger and frustration.

Consider your feelings if, in the middle of an important conversation, your partner gets up and walks away, thinking you have finished speaking, because they couldn’t read (hear) your cues? 

What about those missed restaurant or concert appointments, the results of miscues over dates, times, and locations? These misunderstandings occur in families all the time and compound the emotional upsets that accompany hearing loss.  Tied to the isolation is withdrawal; the person with the hearing loss chooses not to fully participate in family gatherings, rather than risk being left out. 

Hearing loss can bring a change in the roles within the family.  Of necessity, the person with the better hearing has to assume new responsibilities.  Some do this easily. For others, feelings of resentment and dependency can accompany this shifting of responsibilities.  

Hearing loss and its effect on healthy communication within the family is grossly underappreciated.  In Victoria, 50% of seniors have some degree of hearing loss.  These folks have unique and unappreciated communication needs.

If you are having problems developing communication strategies which work for your family, contact Island Deaf and Hard of Hearing Centre at 250-592- 8144. IDHHC is a non-profit agency, with offices in Victoria and Nanaimo. The agency’s purpose is to promote the safety, equality and general well-being of Deaf, hard of hearing and late deafened persons and their families.

Janet Holland is an audiologist in Victoria, who devotes part of her professional practice to the Island Deaf and Hard of Hearing Centre. Tom Wood is a member on the IDHHC Board of Directors.